Confess that Addiction

Joy. Peace. Bliss. Comfort. Calm. Need. Want.

Feelings engulfing my body as I start.

Hatred. Disgust. Pain. Loathing. Nausea. Rejection.

The emotions left over from the rampage.

As a smoker picking up their next cigarette. Not only wanting it but needing it. An overwhelming drive. An uncontrollable urge.

As an alcoholic, pours their fifth drink. As they desire numbness. To run away from their troubles and pains. To forget all their hurt. To feel nothing. To be nothing.

As a fighter, picks another fight. To prove something, a long-forgotten purpose.

As an obese person grabs their next binge. Chocolate? Cake? Fast food? Cramming it into their mouths for only a moment of satisfaction. Only one moment of peace. When that food is gone, it ends all positive feelings. Disgust drowns them internally as the pain gates open.

Who are they?

Addicts. Forever bound in their circle of indulge, despair and repeat.

They only know the compulsion. Loss of control. Body taken over; Only being a passenger. Watching, desperate to change, desperate to stop.

The part they hate the most.

The sickness.

The pain.

Overwhelming wave of emotion. Drowning on the intensity. The guilt. The continuous self-loathing.

Saying this will be the last time. Telling themselves they will recover; they will get better.

Until the next. The next time they can't handle life. The next time something upsets them.

They get up every morning and face the world. Despite hating their own skin, they go on through life.

Everyone has their struggles.