“Chronic Pain”

An umbrella term used for a large range of difficulties and conditions resulting in pain. Can be specifically in one area, could be body wide.

Can be used when the medical team have no idea what it is,

Or could be something as common as arthritis.

Mine isn't though.

Not commonly known, originally missed by the first specialist. A condition where my brain and nerves incorrectly communicate. Always receiving messages of pain, 24/7. From the smallest touch to pressure, it will respond as pain.

Five years strong of pain and I'm over it.

I don't take medication, despite being frequently pushed to by most doctors.

I try to ignore the pain. I know nothing but pain.

The worst part, it's affected by my mental health. Which is rocky at best. I can't just have a bad mental health day without a bad pain day added on top.

And yet, no one can see it. Its invisible. I don't talk about it. I hide my pain well. I work a very mentally draining, physically demanding job.

Yet I cry several times a week in pain.

I cope with terrible methods, with smoking or food. I avoid people like the plague, so no one will see the real me.

The scared child, desperately wanting to be pain free.

I become so numb to joy and happiness. I worry I don't know how to enjoy life and that I will ruin everyone around me. Because I'm mentally shut off.

If I don't feel my emotions, then I can ignore my pain.